Today I choose to talk about online bullying
This morning I found out one of my friends is being bullied online, and because I am a mum who is also in the digital space, I thought it would be a great time to open up with the community and share my understanding about how online bullying works, as well as some affirmations that may help if you are going through a difficult time.
I’m not a psychologist.
I’m a marketer.
So I’m not giving advice in any way shape or form about what to do with bullies…. What I am doing though is talking about my own experience with online bullying (yes, I’ve been bullied online– it happens to adults the same as it can happen to children) and to say that if someone is bullying you, that it’s ok to speak up about it.
So let’s look at this a little closer.
The job of being a marketer is to change the behaviour of the person who we want to be our customer, and believe it or not, online bullying is very similar.
Online bullies (or even social media influencers etc) want to control or manipulate your thoughts, feelings or behaviour so that you think, feel or act a particular way.
They want you to click, like, share and spend your time, money or attention engaging with them.
Now Marketers can do this for good where we encourage the support of small business for example…… or we can do it for bad…… which is where we see politicians sway votes, and algorithms push particular types of news to the forefront of our newsfeed…and whether we like it or not– this manipluation of what someone thinks, feels or acts, is perfectly legal so long as it is done in a transparent way without harrasment.
Now whether we realise it or not– an online bully is similar to an online marketer….
eeeewwww….did I really say that?
I’m a marketer!!
I don’t want to be seen as a bully!!
But whether I like it or not, marketing and online bullying are both similar, because both share a common thread.
Both marketing and online bullying want you to feel a particular way or do a particular thing.
Maybe the marketer wants you to buy a car (which is good because you need a new car)
But maybe the bully wants you to feel shameful saying that no one wants to be your friend (which is not good because it’s not true)….and so they say or do things to you in order for them to get a reaction.
So lets look a little closer.
If someone is texting you, gang up messaging you, or pushing you around and making you feel:
- or sad
- or mad
- or shameful
- or sick
- or gross
- or anything else…..
- most times the bully is saying those things to you because the bully wants you to think, say or feel what the bully wants.
The bully may want to make you feel shameful…. saying things to you like:
No – one likes you.
honestly…it could be anything…
But deep down you know the things the bully is saying is not true.
The things you do know are true are:
You know everyone is beautiful.
You know that all bodies come in different shapes and sizes. Some tall, some short, some thin, and some thick.
You know that being pretty doesn’t mean a thing…and that its what we look like on the inside…that makes us truly beautiful.
And lastly, you also know that it doesn’t matter if you are unique, or different, or quirky or artsy, or bi-sexual or heterosexual or black or white or rainbow coloured or anything else, because this is what makes the world a special place.
When we know these things in ourselves are true, we can start to see clearly what the bully is trying to do…can you see it now?
The bully wants to change the way you think.
The bully wants you to feel powerless.
The bully wants to feel like they are the one in control.
So what can you do to stop it?
The first thing with bullying is to acknowledge what is going on.
Saying out loud: “Someone is bullying me” to a person you love and trust is a great beginning.
The second thing to do is to think:
What are my thoughts and feelings which belong to me and what are the thoughts and feelings of the bully being projected onto me?
Most times you will realise that what they are saying isn’t true at all– and that the bully is trying to manipulate you.
As soon as you do both of these small things–acknowledge what is going on, and separate your thoughts and feelings from the feelings of the bully, you begin to take back your own power.
The next thing I do is I make a deliberate choice to choose how I feel.
Each day since becoming empowered– I wake up and write on my social channels that:
“Today I choose to feel……” and I make sure that I’m the one who is choosing my feelings….not allowing someone else to decide what I think and feel.
And then the last thing I do is I take my attention away from the bully– I don’t engage with them.
I don’t text with bullies.
I don’t talk with bullies.
I don’t chat with bullies.
I don’t message with bullies.
I don’t read a bullies social media channel.
I dont Check a bullies website.
I keep all of the power to myself….and I give none of it to the bully at all.
Now, before I go….I want to share one more thing with you.
I didn’t figure all this out on my own, and it’s not just for online bullying.
I had some help with Vicki from SevenLadies Empowerment who did a coaching package with me, I did a coaching package for boxing, and I worked with a psychologist and energy therapist to come through it as well, where now today I can say that I am the one in control of my life, and not someone else.
If you are in a toxic relationship with:
- Your friend
- Your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner
- Your mum or dad
- Brother or sister
- or anyone else…
- Please know that you don’t need to go through this alone.
There are people who can help you, but the first thing to do is remember that it’s not you who has done anything wrong….it’s the bully.
Because of the struggles I went through, not just with online bullying but for other parts of my life where I struggled with different relationships– even the relationship with myself!– I asked Vicki from SevenLadies Empowerment to help me.
Once I realised how important this topic was, I also asked her to help the people in our community who may be struggling and need some empowerment too.
Vicki has created 60 days worth of affirmations and quotes which belong to these cards here:
And also the cards of PROBLEM CHILD.
to help you get back to yourself.
I’ll share some of them with you now–plus also on social media in an album so you can read them anytime you feel like you need some help.
In the next few weeks we will load them onto the website where once they are on there you will receive them as part of your daily emails.
Today, I want you to repeat some of the things Vicki shared with you in the quotes above and know it is true:
- YOU are powerful and courageous
- Your life is your life, and how you choose to live it is no one elses business to judge
- YOU do not have to be everything to everyone
- Only YOU get to decide what you do with your body or what you wear on your body
- YOUR VOICE and opinion matter
- It is safe for you to say no to the things you dont want to
- Your worth is not defined by what other people think of you.
- YOU do not have to dim your light for the sake of others
- And lucky last…..
- IT’s ok if other people don’t like you. You are still worthy and deserving of respect and love.
Take care out there as you navigate the online world, and if you are reading this my little friend, know that I Love you very much, and anytime you want to chat, I will always be here for you.